I don’t know…

I don’t know why “this” started, why we are doing this to each other. We used to talk all-day, EVERY SINGLE DAY. We told each other’s secrets and had been hushed about it. I am being happy with my life now and you too. We are starting to outgrow the gap with harshness of the whispered animosity. I know for a reason that you have lots of reason to be happy with your life and I am not going to spoil it with my presence.

I don’t know what to say, I don’t even know if this is shyness I am feeling or is this is pride that I am going through. I don’t want to talk to you, and the feeling is mutual.

I don’t know you anymore. And that was something I have prevented that’s why I started distancing myself from you. This breach took me onto an assault. It had beaten the years of “friendship” we both had been saving because we still feel something for each other. I know things will be good soon, but we can never tell as to where our fate will lead us.

I don’t know if this is right. I care for you. I think about your safety. I never assumed something in return for my concerns, but at least don’t give reasons to hold me back from what I am feeling. You said you missed me too, but haven’t anyone told you? MISSING is something you should let the other party feel, not something you just tell. But we just didn’t feel anything from that statement, like that statement was “required” because of our public image. You knew that we had an IMAGE to protect and to prove the society we walk in. We had something to look after. We had something to fight for. We had everything shared within the limits of our ego.

I am stopping this writing now because anger is raging in me. And I don’t want to loathe you. At least, I don’t want to loathe you COMPLETELY. I still have respect for your being. I just wish you had respect for your own.

This gap. I hate it. Outcomes are becoming clearer and clearer to me now. And I am not happy about it.

I miss you. I miss us. Laughing together, despising other people despite the fact that they despise us too; being considerate enough to know each other’s flaws and being contented about it. Old habits are becoming a vague memory that’s getting even bitter by the minute.

There are just two ideas that I know for sure;

First, that only you and I can chain this gap together. I don’t want our friendship to be just glimpses from that old photograph. And lastly, is that I know for a fact that you will read this in the near future. I just hope this blog would create a bridge to your heart, not a wall that would tear us apart.


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