This past month had not been easy for everyone, most especially people who are aware and a part of my life. My family lost a loved one and it’s not easy letting go of something you are not prepared of. Sometimes it hurts to believe the goodness in everything, but this is what we should hold onto everyday. We let go of things in order for us to realize and to consider “other” things, persons and presences that had been always there. It’s just that we can’t appreciate those if we would not let go of things that make us oblivious of the reality.
July also brought alarming news to everyone in school. We had to take weeks of review and focus for my batch and I are already taking our majors and that was something I underestimated. I thought my course would save me from all those computations, memorizations and a whole lot of more comprehensions but it didn’t. Or maybe I am just being a lazy-arse to everything I do. I still regret underestimating my majors though and it still upsets me up to this day. Oh well, at least somebody learned her lesson. 😉
But of course, there were still features that we should be grateful of. Me, making new friends and study habits; as hilarious as it may sound but I have been in deep enthusiasm for my studies and chosen path. I already knew from the start that this is where I feel like going but never before have I considered Psychology as one of the major interests of my life. Although there were still bumps and lumps along the way, I know that those will make me enduring for my future challenges. (FYI, I like studying. I’m just not a fan of going to school. LOL)
And for the last paragraph (I wish)… the most exciting one to write and yet the most uninteresting to read. To be honest, I can’t really think of a nice tagline for this topic. So let’s just assume that this one’s intended to release whatever I have inside. First of all, THAT was really unexpected(I know you’re confused, but I’m pretty sure you’ll have a hint later on). Let me describe this feeling in a very broad term first; COMPLETELY ANTAGONIZED. Very broad isn’t it? Ha. Ha. I defined “assuming” to you previously and I am not going to define it to you again. Let us just say that “this assuming and company” is taking a step back and lurking the perimeter for my new prospect. Puzzled? Me too. I wish this situation can be brought out with just a few words, but sad to say, they can not be. Or am I just too ashamed to admit details? Or am I just to shy to see how people would react to this when they’ll hear it? Whatevs, I am still ain’t going to spill it, at least not this soon.
I made a plan. Another absurd plan to hide and to keep me from blurting out emotions in a humiliating way and this is something I’m pretty good at, actually. I’m not that sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing though. Good thing I’m a good actress, I tend to hide emotions in a very effective way. Ha. Now that’s something to brag. It’s a good thing also because I can switch my hoity-toity in an instant, though I still can’t understand why is that a good thing. Waley lung. I felt it’s a good thing so I placed it on the good side. *Lalala* Bad thing; the only reason why I think it’s a bad thing is because, what if maybe the feeling is shared? What if my harsh past gave me a covering to see that the feeling is mutual?
Can I help myself from becoming more adoptive of the way things fall within my favour? I know some of you will be confused with what I am trying to point out, but if you aren’t… can you please help me?
Though you’ve left me all confused and amazed, I still don’t have any regrets with what you taught me and I’m going to use it to face the bumps that is carried by your sister, August. 😉