As I have witnessed heavy rain pouring for more than 24 hours now, it took me a lot of time and a whole lot of guts to start a new scheme…
This coldness leads to nowhere, I thought. I guess today is just as unproductive as a day without Mister Sun. Oh jeez, who am I even kidding? Mister Sun didn’t even showed up today. People here and there are already on alert level for tomorrow is never promised. All we have now is courage, boldness and faith. But throughout all these happenings and such, why am I even bothering to have some of your attention? At least, a little of your attention. This is not me. This is not what I’m supposed to be. I’m doing things I never thought of doing. I’m changing the way I am just because I don’t want to be pitiful for what I’m craving for. I hate this. I thought you were an inspiration, but what have I done? And what have you done? All you ever did was to be my distraction. My chest beats like it’s ready to burst out all the emotions I’ve been trying to hide all these times and I don’t want that to happen. I’m afraid of being humiliated of something I know I’ll be the one who’ll start. It hurts to be aware that I have no right to drag you closer to me and what hurts me more is that I know you would just depart if I did. Or, I’m thinking you would.
All I ever did was to face all the hardships that I thought will lead me to my goal. But then again, another “you” came along my way and left an abstract that wouldn’t even seem to have its pieces. Just so you know, this is just so hard for me. I can’t even complain because I know no one will believe me. And no one will even believe I fell for someone like… I’ve said too much.
A new scheme. I’ve done this before. And I’m good at it. What scares me now is the fact that maybe there isn’t really something to fight for. So please, prove me wrong.