I don’t even want to get back to that feeling; to that sensation of being worthless and pitiful. I don’t want to get back to the details because I just can’t even imagine my life being miserable and pointless again.
I was just surprised to react with so much despair when it all came back to me, another vague memory that seemed so fresh, so harsh. A dream that has something to do with what’s repressed in my unconscious. I knew right then and there that there are just too much that I can’t take. I just can’t seem to understand why it caused too much pain when it was all just a flashback; A flashback that aroused memories and turned my morning to a bitter tear-jerker. I can’t stand the feeling of being lost again. It’s a good thing I had a way to vent it all out, because if I didn’t… let’s just say that another breakdown would cause too much time and too much effort to solve. I can’t say that I got over it already, I can’t also say that I’m still not moving on but all I can feel is I’m now here, ready to move on yet I’m not forcing anything to move if it’s not yet geared up to move on.
At this point of my life, all I have is appreciation. I’m feeling grateful that you made me feel like I was nobody, because if it wasn’t for that feeling, I wouldn’t have settled my life in a simple yet happy state.