It’s just so hard to explain this feeling that I am going through right now and to think that a single picture was the only thing that had to do with it. I guess this picture is just as powerful as the one who had to capture this. Or at least, the one who had the concept of this one.
The aura of assurance is without a doubt felt within the child’s position. And I just envied her there.
I miss Mum. I miss everything that has to do with her. Her laughter, her hugs, her non-stop nags, her touch, her warmth, her presence. It’s been seven years without her and I just can’t understand why am I still sensitive regarding this issue. I know she’s safe now, or at least, something inside tells me she’s ok now. Questions will always be raised with regards this topic; Will I be who I am now if she was here? Or should I be more tamed if she was beside me all along? Would Pops be more appreciative of what I do? Would my family be together if she was here? Pounding insights. When will they stop?
I have always been told that I am more like my mum. Same gestures, same expressions, same aura, same sense of humour and almost the same passion. How can I even appreciate that, if all I can remember is the sore feeling of losing her? Bitter? Oh no. I don’t think so. Let’s just say that I miss her that much and thinking of her would be something that would bring out the “cry-baby” in me.
I am quite aware that everything happens for a reason, whether it’s pleasing or not. It’s just that sometimes, it’s hard to believe in the goodness of something entirely hurtful. Or at least, not at this point of time.
Never have I been as melancholic as this as for other concerns. I think, this is just one of my very few weaknesses. And it’s just as harsh as the first time every single moment these kinds of topic passes by my sight.