Devirginized Shirley (uncut)

“No one dies a virgin. Life FUCKS us all”

Funny how people judge so quickly, how they see themselves as critics of their opposite classes.

Living in a world where everything new is a trend and everything expensive is a must is hard. In fact, it scares me. Or used to, I guess. Expressing yourself with this kind of atmosphere is a huge risk that’s why I salute those who see them as creatures of unique passion and them who are not afraid to express the beauty despite the oddness.

I used to be one of “them”. From a girl who hid her eyes from bushman brows and thick glasses to a girl who only cared about the aesthetic.  That feeling of comfort and of not caring what I looked like still gave me millions of reasons to celebrate invisibility- but I never noticed that until now. It’s something I most certainly miss; something I would gladly reminisce.

Growing up as average and incredibly protected, I still saw life & joy behind those unseen bars. Not for once, I gave up on trying doing what I felt but life seemed to be fair enough not to let me have what I had hoped for – well, at least not at that time.

All I needed was the right, cruel yet fruitful experience. This was something that I never expected, never in my wildest dreams. Even those who I expected to care didn’t. I was very much sheltered when I was growing up. But this safeguard became irrelevant even during those times as I thought it would.

I was nothing but ordinary until I became a bully, then I got bullied. Needless to say the specifics, I got what I deserved. It was the alarm I have been weeping for months of pain and forged ignorance. It was the alarm I needed.

Isn’t this what everybody needs; something to boost what needs to be boosted? Something that will let you out of your shell, something that will make you go farther from what you thought you couldn’t do? It wasn’t a pretty and pleasing stop, but this is what everyone in this planet experience and even my wildest cry couldn’t do anything to stop it. It’s just a stop. Not the end. Well, for me it wasn’t. Would you let something pungent stop and ruin you for the rest of your life?

I have been emotionally wrecked by people I barely AND all-my-life-I knew but that didn’t put up as a hindrance of my striving. I guess nothing beats what’s already beaten eh? Life kept on going for me and for people who took my existence irritably but of course; my obliviousness shielded everything away from me. Time crept additional to the pain but fighting against it will just grow me weary- well that’s what I thought. In a way it was what I needed, I gave time everything that I had just to let it fade away but as I grew impatient waiting I just thought of it as something that would provoke what’s not yet ready to be provoked.

But as time goes by and lessons had been and will be learned, these things should not stand against one’s striving. It’s never too late to continue what’s been there in the first place. It’s never too late to forgive and to forget.

My name is Shirley Temple. And this is my not-so-Shirley-Temple story.

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