YOU. SUCK.

Baka sensitive lang s’ya” (Maybe she’s just sensitive)

Wait. WHAT?

My thoughts automatically shut as I stared with wide eyes at a colleague who was explaining to me something she retrieved from a meeting. After the words sunk like hard metal on my throat, the rest of the conversation easily dissolved into blur.

BAKA. SENSITIVE. LANG. SIYA.

“Sensitive”, meaning, it all emerged from her “senses”. Just because it does not seem offensive to you, the deed cannot offend somebody else. Being offended is a subjective thing. One thing can offend another, one thing cannot. So who are you to question what can offend her and what cannot?

Maybe I am just overreacting. Or maybe seeing the young girl shiver with tears running down her face is called “OVERREACTING”. Or maybe with that little voice as she questioned me with her safety is something that made me feel like I should “OVERREACT” and STAND FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN.

How about you? Coming from a firm and well-rounded foundations in education and in this society, who are you to lessen the burden of the predator and put some blame – if not all – on the prey?

YOU. SUCK.

YOU. MAKE. ME. SICK.

Adult-ing (-ish)

Sitting alone in a café, calmly drinking my Java Chip that is plotted to be consumed within the next two hours while I gradually encode those that are still for my reports.

Never have I imagined myself doing these clichéd things you see in movies and in the malls.

I stopped what I was doing because of three points:

  1. The urge to write suddenly awakens (HA. Where have you been, old friend?)
  2. My ego said I should, because you know, it’s a café. YOU SHOULD AT LEAST TRY TO DO THIS and mainly because;
  3. I needed to reflect.

This is the point where I usually track my life with constant rantings and reflection. Where in the world am I? Is this maturity I am experiencing? Should I be proud of what I have been doing for the previous years – to date?

Ever since my university life ended, life has never felt like it’s on fast-forward. Career, education, bills, career, bills, bills, and another bill, usually consumed my attention and strive.

This is maturity.

I still want to study, to earn a degree of some sort that can help me be more effective in my craft – but it’s too expensive! To constantly travel with my girlfriends, to spoil my Papeng to the best that I can, to give back the love and support to my family – few things that still floats on my ledger.

I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck anymore.

Of course. Everybody has their dream business.

In this era where technology and empowerment can be reached with the tip of our fingers, I want to venture out of my comfort zone. To have a stable backup plan, to have a name of my own, to create a legacy that can travel from mouth to mouth, all of which cannot happen overnight, of course. All of which cannot happen if all of every aspect of your life is still unstable.

Privacy is vital.

Ironic as it is, but even now that I am living alone, independent in almost every sort, did I only come to realize that privacy can be so expensive. Privacy isn’t always about having some time alone. It can be the slightest touch of information or the most infamous news about your life.

Living within the edges of privacy can be your ass-saving weapon at this point of your life. Like words, it can either make or break you. It can save your ass from a lot of explanation for people who are either curious, or just plain chismosa.

GTG now, Java Chip’s running out!

*featured image grabbed from the internet

 

My awareness of this defense

I expect too much from your attention that’s why I always trap myself into so much disappointment.

SUBLIMATION [suhb-luh-mey-shuhn]

– most desirable and healthy way of dealing with unacceptable impulses.

– it occurs when an individual finds a socially acceptable aspiration.

On this page is where I load off all my thoughts and rants throughout all the day. This page has been my diary ever since I learned to verbalize all the feelings that I have. Feelings that I have with everything and everyone. Before I even learned the different kinds of defense mechanism, I was already aware with the fact that this is something I could do to relieve my daily blusters. From that day that I became conscious with the reality, I knew for a fact this will be really something I could not take away from me that easy.

I talk to almost everybody in school. Well, at least almost everybody in my department. But why do I crave so much of your attention? Oops. That’s a spill. (Ok. Let’s just stop this and get it on with sublimation). This writing and stuff utterly makes everything less binding. It’s just that sometimes, I wonder if I’m the only one who appreciates writing. Or there’s just a few of us left in the world who acknowledges writing. I wonder if people just creates drama for attention or is it really that their life is full of tear-jerkers. My life has its drama too, but I try to see bright sides of it. Maybe everybody could try that also. 🙂