YOU. SUCK.

Baka sensitive lang s’ya” (Maybe she’s just sensitive)

Wait. WHAT?

My thoughts automatically shut as I stared with wide eyes at a colleague who was explaining to me something she retrieved from a meeting. After the words sunk like hard metal on my throat, the rest of the conversation easily dissolved into blur.

BAKA. SENSITIVE. LANG. SIYA.

“Sensitive”, meaning, it all emerged from her “senses”. Just because it does not seem offensive to you, the deed cannot offend somebody else. Being offended is a subjective thing. One thing can offend another, one thing cannot. So who are you to question what can offend her and what cannot?

Maybe I am just overreacting. Or maybe seeing the young girl shiver with tears running down her face is called “OVERREACTING”. Or maybe with that little voice as she questioned me with her safety is something that made me feel like I should “OVERREACT” and STAND FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN.

How about you? Coming from a firm and well-rounded foundations in education and in this society, who are you to lessen the burden of the predator and put some blame – if not all – on the prey?

YOU. SUCK.

YOU. MAKE. ME. SICK.

One of the few I envy

Sometimes, I envy people who lived in ancient times.

In ancient times when people gazed up each night because they can see numbers of stars alight

In ancient times when people lived their days with so much to see

In ancient times when people appreciated the beauty of nature without having to spoil it

In ancient times when people used the path of the Sun and the Moon for directions

In ancient times when people knew what they had and worked it out almost perfectly

In ancient times when people existed with strikes of awe for the splendor of their surroundings

In ancient times when people moved and worked so cleverly yet mysteriously

In ancient times when people were smart enough to build works of art measured by the stars

In ancient times when people were motivated to live by their own

In ancient times when people had a night sky filled with stars

In ancient times when people had sophistication without being measured by numbers

In ancient times when people had genuine intellect without the preceding costs

Getting back to the existing world, who are we to question their knowledge through the works of art we can dig up in each and every part of the world? When our inventions and works of genius were considered normal during their time? Isn’t this a proof that all it takes for us, to be pioneering as they were, is to value the beauty and simplicity of the night sky and work on our wildest imagination?

Let it burn

BURNBOOK

Looks familiar eh? Well, if it looks extremely familiar to you, I guess you’ve got most of it right. And no, it’s not the same burn book we all know that has pictures of everyone you hate in it with their nasty descriptions, though frankly, I almost gave into my thoughts of doing that. 😉

So here’s the catch, I started this writing-mania last year, when I started a diary and finished it through out! Ever since I’ve got the hang of it, it never stopped. It was fun writing and releasing unhindered thoughts, though I still had my lapses. If I must say, it’s hard to make commitments like diaries but if you’re willing enough to pay that sacrifice, it would sure pave off after you finish it!

Last Christmas, a notebook was given by one of my closest friends in college named Angelica Chelsi D. Borja. We’ve done a Christmas routine called “Monito-monita”* and she got me as her receiver. Lucky enough for me I’ve got the chance to pronounce what I wanted that year though. Ha-ha! Sneaky. Knowing that it would take again effort to commit to a diary for the following year, it literally took courage to hand over my writing-routine to a journal for 2014 (Ha! You see, it’s not the same Burn Book you’ve been expecting for! LOL).

Most of the times, I find myself too lazy to even open my journal but when I find the nut to write on it, stopping is what I find difficulty in. I don’t stop writing until I can’t feel my hand anymore. It’s addictive – I’m not even sure if it’s already something I should be seeking help for given that I’m already talkative in real life (I know, so much thoughts, right? LOL). But still, my previous issue was, I did find it less-interesting than my previous material, so I’ve decided to pimp and posh it up a little bit.

“Burn Book”

Hmmmm. I considered taking the famous Mean Girls’ book because of three reasons: First, because I love Mean Girls, second, is because my words written in this journal consists of my current burning desires and for the last one, it’s of my chance to let every thought be burnt healthily. Isn’t that the purpose why every journal-writing-freak like me does it? Besides, it’s still a bragging right to finish a journal and reading it in the near future is what surely excites me!

So, for readers who are interested in creating and starting a burn book for themselves here are some tips you can follow:

1. Starting a diary or a journal is no easy job. Find your center for writing and release it unrestricted. You’re the only one who’s supposed to read it so don’t restrain yourself from writing anything you find uninteresting or unappealing!

2. Make it interesting from the outside. You’re going to hold onto your journal for a long time so styling it up a bit will be a sure help!

3. Detail is important. If a crush gave you something you’d like to hold onto, stick that on your notebook! The feeling will sure floor off soon (or not, lol) but a proof will sure put your future reminiscing a seize.

4. Don’t forget that it’s yours- it’s yours no matter what. Whether a friend accidentally opened it or someone intentionally read it, don’t let them take away your passion for your journal!

5. And for the last and most important tip I can give you… LET IT BE YOU. Let your thoughts own you when writing on your burn book. Let no other distractions or no one stop you from this writing on your journal. When you give that shot a try, it will sure be easy for everything to fall in its places.

So there you go. Have fun!

*Monito-monita- is a special gift-exchanging routine done by Filipinos to add a little thrill to the typical exchange gifts by setting themes to it like (e.g. something “creepy”, something “fluffy”, something “smelly”)

HAPPY TENTH ANNIVERSARY MEAN GIRLS!

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Mean Girls was a film released on April 30th 2004 and is now, if I may say, one of the most sought-after films that influenced the lives of many girls who aspired, tried and inclined their life to the characters of this film.

Most of us are familiar with this movie and what it means, but what does “mean” really means?

According to dictionary.reference.com, mean refers to describe something or someone as offensive, selfish, nasty or malicious. Everyone knows it’s not a nice word to describe someone you’d intended to admire, but why does being so “mean” can sound so appeasing? Is it the fact that we all know someone who’s “mean” and pretty at the same time (fortunately it became a very effective duo)? Maybe it’s the pleasing touch to the ego when you’re being called as a “Queen Bee” despite the fouls following it?  Or is it the influence of television shows that stereotypes girls – similar to the character of Regina George – that affects the mindset of everyone? Regardless of the reason, it sure did its purpose clear and stable that made Mean Girls celebrate its 10th anniversary, trending recently.

It’s been almost ten years when I got the chance to watch a movie that brought the inner “mean” out of me! It has been my obsession since day 1 after seeing this flick, to be someone as popular as Regina, to be as smart as Cady, to be as rich as Gretchen and to be as weird as Karen. Let’s face it – they’re pretty, popular, rich and influential. How can any girl not want to be like them?

Younger than the prescribed viewer’s age, I was able to watch this film on HBO circa 2004-2005. I was unquestionably influenced by how the characters played their roles and how their distinctiveness affected others’ (no wonder they’ve set a higher age limit for this film!). As a small-town girl growing up in a well-sheltered environment, going out of my comfort zone and trying out the “Regina George” way of living surely proves how I inclined my decisions on Mean Girls.

When confronted with a situation, I always think it through like “What would Regina do if she’s here?” “Would Cady be able to answer this if she’s here?” or “I’m sure Gretchen can afford this kind of stuff.” It’s a weird outbreak to share these kinds of habits but if you’ve got friends who can quote Mean Girls like you do, who wouldn’t enjoy right? During my fourth grade, if I may share, my friends and I even made it a point that we wear something pink on Wednesdays (we had to wear pink headbands or charm bracelets because we had to wear our school uniform, boo hoo!)! But still, it just hit us that hard. Doesn’t that prove how we love and adored Mean Girls?

Getting enough with the throwback, I’ve learned my lesson not to “try” to claim superiority with harshness and fake authenticity. I never wanted to make people follow or copy the things I say and do. I just want to have lots of friends but this, also changed eventually because I have learned that it’s better to keep some of them – even if you can just count them with your hands – than to have lots of them who just wants to be with you and the attention they have if you’re together as packs.

Regina George, Cady Heron, Gretchen Wieners and Karen Smith will always be a part of my life. Mean Girls had influenced me like The Sound of Music did – even with the obvious difference. It had and still helps me when in times of making decisions with what life throws at me. It gives me weird feelings too whenever I try to figure out the reason behind basing my life with the movies I see. But I guess that’s what they’re there for!

To one of the films that I will forever quote and adore – HAPPY TENTH ANNIVERSARY MEAN GIRLS! x

Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

CHEERS!

Cheers to the year that passed and to the year that we are now on! SO CHEERS!

Instead of posting a shabby-looking, good-ole bucket list, why not jot down things, presences and happenings that a person can be grateful for?

An enthusiast of lists, as you may say, I have always been peculiar of the things that I feel grateful for. Smudging off the idea that this post will consist of the things that made me smile throughout 2013, this will not just contain words from the heart but as well as pictures that will do most of the talking… so here it goes!

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– funny how one can be distinct from another, yeah?

FRIENDS. FRIENDS. AND LOTS OF MORE FRIENDS. How can I ever get enough of you?

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-“The Incrementum”

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– Talk about reloaded retardation. A night filled with spontaneous revelations and laughter. This picture seems to put a smile on my face whenever I see it. More of this kind of nights is surely something to look forward to! Hashtag epic faces

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– I don’t really know what’s the big deal of this picture BESIDES THE FACT THAT THIS ESCAPADE WAS PRECEDED BY LOADS OF HARDSHIPS A STUDENT WILL EVER HAVE. On the other hand, maybe it was really worth it, or maybe it was just not. All those nights and working hours of doing Psychological reports, analyzing, computing, preparing and studying for exams surely did made me realize that after all the hard work has been done, there is really nothing that can make you inspired to work harder than the fact that you actually learned.

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– Now, don’t get me wrong but this piece of souvenir knows how to make my day! Correct me if I’m wrong because I would blame my failing humor if it didn’t make you smile.

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– oh my dearest siblings. I took the liberty of taking a picture of you without smoking, drinking, cursing or pointing your middle finger at me or at each other. Peaceful isn’t it? 😉

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– first time to have some Bubba loving overnight! Is this a thesis night or an episode of Man vs. Food? I really hope the next time we have a sleepover at my place it wouldn’t be just the three of us who finishes all the goodies! ♥

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For the following pictures to follow, some poses are rated SPG. JK!

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– and of course. My last getaway and reunion with MTY! Despite the fact that we only see each other from time to time, I myself is still bemused by the fact that it feels like nothing has changed! I guess that’s what theatre can do to you!

MYGAHD – sorry, I just had to let that out – how I love these people! Though I am still considering in this post the shortcomings of the previous year, I have just learned that whatever it is that made or makes me upset, I still can’t go through all that without the people that will always and willingly support me and my weirdness!

There are still ups and downs towards living your life to the fullest – and that is undeniable. But why focus your time and energy on stuff that will just set as a hindrance towards what you are and what you want with your life? Given that they’re already putting you onto a pause on your journey, why make it a permanent break? Wishing no more than these great and influential people in my life, I can definitely say my farewell to 2013.

Having no particular regrets that I will be soon clicking the “publish post” tab, I just want to thank you people who still gives me something to hold onto despite of my screw-ups. Let’s face it – people, happenings, and feelings do change, but please change for the better and never let anything hold you down for what you’re aiming for! As Barney (my ever-so-favorite dinosaur) once said or sang for that matter,

” Growing – we do it everyday … we try to be a little nicer as we grow each day because I’m growing and SO ARE YOU “

Now, now. There isn’t so much to be lonesome about isn’t it?

Thanks for reading, reader!

xx

Promise to wait for me because I will come back for you

Promise to wait for me because I will come back for you.

Regrets, regrets.

If y’all wondering why I even posted a picture of a book that I don’t have (yet), it is just that the cover intrigued me so much to the point that I even took a photo of it. I read some of the passages inside and what intrigued me more is that it had verses in it! The first time I actually saw an entire book drizzled with an awesome cover and an interesting pattern of writing. Well, you’re right. I Googled it, trying to settle my curiosity by searching for alternatives or reasons to make room for my loud and regretful pattering. Try Googling it too and save yourself something to think about because this book will surely catch your heart too!

Oh dear, regrets, regrets.

The same dilemma, just on another book. I don’t really know what came up to me and I even let you go off of my hand. But hey, I got a picture of you and made it sure that I will never forget to come back for you!

Hold on buddy I’m coming for ya!

Devirginized Shirley (uncut)

“No one dies a virgin. Life FUCKS us all”

Funny how people judge so quickly, how they see themselves as critics of their opposite classes.

Living in a world where everything new is a trend and everything expensive is a must is hard. In fact, it scares me. Or used to, I guess. Expressing yourself with this kind of atmosphere is a huge risk that’s why I salute those who see them as creatures of unique passion and them who are not afraid to express the beauty despite the oddness.

I used to be one of “them”. From a girl who hid her eyes from bushman brows and thick glasses to a girl who only cared about the aesthetic.  That feeling of comfort and of not caring what I looked like still gave me millions of reasons to celebrate invisibility- but I never noticed that until now. It’s something I most certainly miss; something I would gladly reminisce.

Growing up as average and incredibly protected, I still saw life & joy behind those unseen bars. Not for once, I gave up on trying doing what I felt but life seemed to be fair enough not to let me have what I had hoped for – well, at least not at that time.

All I needed was the right, cruel yet fruitful experience. This was something that I never expected, never in my wildest dreams. Even those who I expected to care didn’t. I was very much sheltered when I was growing up. But this safeguard became irrelevant even during those times as I thought it would.

I was nothing but ordinary until I became a bully, then I got bullied. Needless to say the specifics, I got what I deserved. It was the alarm I have been weeping for months of pain and forged ignorance. It was the alarm I needed.

Isn’t this what everybody needs; something to boost what needs to be boosted? Something that will let you out of your shell, something that will make you go farther from what you thought you couldn’t do? It wasn’t a pretty and pleasing stop, but this is what everyone in this planet experience and even my wildest cry couldn’t do anything to stop it. It’s just a stop. Not the end. Well, for me it wasn’t. Would you let something pungent stop and ruin you for the rest of your life?

I have been emotionally wrecked by people I barely AND all-my-life-I knew but that didn’t put up as a hindrance of my striving. I guess nothing beats what’s already beaten eh? Life kept on going for me and for people who took my existence irritably but of course; my obliviousness shielded everything away from me. Time crept additional to the pain but fighting against it will just grow me weary- well that’s what I thought. In a way it was what I needed, I gave time everything that I had just to let it fade away but as I grew impatient waiting I just thought of it as something that would provoke what’s not yet ready to be provoked.

But as time goes by and lessons had been and will be learned, these things should not stand against one’s striving. It’s never too late to continue what’s been there in the first place. It’s never too late to forgive and to forget.

My name is Shirley Temple. And this is my not-so-Shirley-Temple story.